Doubt, self concern, fear, ridicule, LOVE, life, beauty, want, desire, compassion, unconditional feelings.........
I know only too well that everyone here has felt these emotions... I would like to take this time to tell you all my story. I welcome any sort of input, challenges, constructive comments, and or advice anyone here can offer......
16 women I have been with, 3 long term relationships, and then I woke up one day in Dallas Texas. ALONE...... I had just moved from Rochester New York to take a job that paid a lot of money. My 2nd (real) Girlfriend dumped me when I left for Texas because I would not ask her to marry me and she refused to live in Texas even if it meant a better life for the both of us. As well as her 4 cats and a Dog. But that's a different story!
Anyway, A year later and another relationship down in Texas, I had the choice to move back home and keep my job. I did just that and thought I could get my old life back. It dint work. At this point I would like to fill everyone in on who I am.... Jeff.. 29 years old. Single, successful. I have a passion for recording live music and playing paintball. Other than that I really have nothing else going on in my life. I work all night long and sleep all day long. ..... Now, this is how I met Rhoda!
........... It all started when I accepted an over night position at the company I work for now. None of my few friends were awake at night and I needed someone to talk to other than the two people I work with. To make a long story short...... I don't remember who contacted who but Rhoda and I started talking on yahoo chat. At first it was 8 months of "Hi how are you"..."what are you having for lunch"... Then the conversation drifted into her asking me "who takes care of you?" "Why don't you have a wife?"... Over another 5 weeks or so I slowly told her that I work overnights, I don't have many friends left because I moved around, My family are the people I hang out with and I spend most of my time alone with my cat. Yeah, I sound like a total looser... but that's me. Sure I can pick up women and have done so in the past, but as I told Rhoda, I am not like that. I am looking for something real, true, pure, fun, committed and so on. Before I knew it she started sending me letters and pictures. She called me and said "Hello" then hung up.. That was our first conversation.
I later found out she was so scared to call me. ...Now please keep in mind that I never went looking for this to happen and as faltered as I was I still thought this to be just a silly girls fantasy and nothing more. ... Then when she called me and got upset because I was on my way out of town and couldn't talk, I knew I had to just stop this whole thing. So I told her that this wasn't right and she couldn't demand my attention they way she was. I went out of town and I felt so bad. SO SO SO BAD! I felt worse than any long term relationship that broke up in my life. All I could think about was her, Rhoda's, simple love for me and everything in my life that helped her get thought every day by just thinking about me. I hated myself, I dint know why I felt this way. I guess I am saying that my situation is different that a lot of people I have met and talked to. So is this love? Is this real? 6 Letters later and phone calls made by me twice a week for the last few months,..... I am in love... But I fear so much, I feel like when she meets me she wont like me, or she wont understand how I fight with my father, or how I love my mother but I don't see her much. I am scared to meet her and I don't know why! I am scared to go to Mindanao to meet her parents (she is working in Japan but will return to Manila.) I fear for my safety, I fear for her feelings, I fear everything will go fine when I see her in August, then she will come here and hate living with me. I feel I have been thinking almost too much and I am starting to feel like I am going crazy, anyone that can comment on my situation or ask me any questions about myself or my situation, please feel free to do so. I need all the help I can get! Thanks everyone!
I know only too well that everyone here has felt these emotions... I would like to take this time to tell you all my story. I welcome any sort of input, challenges, constructive comments, and or advice anyone here can offer......
16 women I have been with, 3 long term relationships, and then I woke up one day in Dallas Texas. ALONE...... I had just moved from Rochester New York to take a job that paid a lot of money. My 2nd (real) Girlfriend dumped me when I left for Texas because I would not ask her to marry me and she refused to live in Texas even if it meant a better life for the both of us. As well as her 4 cats and a Dog. But that's a different story!
........... It all started when I accepted an over night position at the company I work for now. None of my few friends were awake at night and I needed someone to talk to other than the two people I work with. To make a long story short...... I don't remember who contacted who but Rhoda and I started talking on yahoo chat. At first it was 8 months of "Hi how are you"..."what are you having for lunch"... Then the conversation drifted into her asking me "who takes care of you?" "Why don't you have a wife?"... Over another 5 weeks or so I slowly told her that I work overnights, I don't have many friends left because I moved around, My family are the people I hang out with and I spend most of my time alone with my cat. Yeah, I sound like a total looser... but that's me. Sure I can pick up women and have done so in the past, but as I told Rhoda, I am not like that. I am looking for something real, true, pure, fun, committed and so on. Before I knew it she started sending me letters and pictures. She called me and said "Hello" then hung up.. That was our first conversation. 





