Alan,
this may be a matter of perception, I enjoyed the events I went to, but I was single, I noticed that my married friends were certainly more mixed in their reactions, and although I was on the outside I was surprised just how much in -fighting there was, little cliques etc, the Manila/ cebu groups etc.That's why I am not sure how involved to become.
I used to go to Thailand a lot and you are right ex-pat Brits, do join together, but it certainly seemed to be on a more friendly basis without such bitter infighting.(perhaps I was just lucky!)
I don't understand why these problems are so common, they are in a foreign country, you think they would band together and support eachother, rather than worry about who's got more money.